Sunday, June 22, 2008

Best Divorce Letter Ever

DEAR WIFE

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you

forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell.Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut,had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep
after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's
true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal,you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said
that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla
was once my brother Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

8 comments:

Imelda said...

I laughed at this love notes. I loved reading your other posts, too. entertaining.

Gina said...

very very hilarious....but this maybe really happening in real life...

earthlingorgeous said...

LMAO! This is great! Hahahaha!

lira said...

hehehe...kuyawan ko sa umpisa


tasteful voyage
a mom's note
Filipino love stories

Rose said...

hahaha..funny love notes.

Anyway, sis weng, what happened sa dalawa mong blogs? di ko ma open kaya..nag change ka ba ng url? pero try ko ulit later bka ma open ko na.

btw, was here to ask a lil favor from you..paki change naman ng blog url ko sis. ito na yung bago kong domain: http://ilovegreenrose.com

salamat sis!

michaelwong38@gmail.com, pls add me to your facebook said...

Hi, was wondering if you'd like to exchange links with me?
If yes, please leave your blog url as a comment at:
http://bigmoneylist.blogspot.com/
I'll link to you first, then when you have time link back k?
Thanks, Michael
BTW--I'm michaelwong38 on digg. If ever you want something dugg, just send me a shout anytime.

PS - this letter was really funny.

rojoy said...

hahhahaha this is cute Weng.

Anonymous said...

hahaha...very funny yet sounds so true in reality.

US EMBASSY IN MANILA INFORMATION U.S. Embassy Consular Section Non-immigrant Visa Unit 1201 Roxas Boulevard Manila, Philippines 1000 From U.S. Call: 01163-2-523-1145 then ask for extension 8 then ask to speak to someone in the immigrant visa section. U.S. Calls Only Taken Between the hours of 8:00 am to 10:00 am only. From Philippines Call: (02) 528-6300 from 2:00 pm to 4:00 pm only Fax: (2) 523-1215 "From Philippines" E-Mail: consivmanila@state.gov NBI- nbiwebmaster@nbi.doj.gov.ph tel# 523-82-31 to 38 NBI Building, Taft Avenue, Manila, Philippines * Pinay" needs help..." Domestic Violence I